Me & Paul...we've got a "thing" going

I might as well just get it out at the beginning...

this past week has found me yelling on the phone (screaming, even)

at 

not one,

not two,

but, THREE different people.

Now, the confrontations were all justified.

All three people have inflicted pain so deep into my life

that there is a gaping hole where my heart should be.

 But, each confrontation wasn't done in love or with a Christ-like spirit.

It had more the feel of a Jerry Springer show.

And, unfortunately, so do the circumstances surrounding it.

And, as I was spewing forth my venom...

it felt like an out-of-body experience.

Who is this crazy woman?

  

All I wanted to do was STOP the verbal assaults 

streaming from my mouth.

And, the more I wanted to stop...

the MORE ugly, vicious things came out. 

(Again, all deserving, but NOT in the right spirit.)

When I got done & I hit the END button on my phone

(which might I add is NOT as fulfilling as slamming down

 a handset on a land line...anyone remember those days?)

 I crumpled to the floor...

mortified...

disgusted...

humiliated...

for my ugly, ugly, ugly

(and, yes, vulgar)

words.

And, Paul's words HIT me like a TON of BRICKS...

Romans 7 (MSG)

 ^17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

^21-23 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

²⁴ I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

²⁵ The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

 

WOW...

isn't it so nice to know that one isn't alone?

That's Paul.... the Paul, people....he struggled to...

Paul totally got it.

Jesus totally gets it.

We're human.

We fail.

We yell.

We scream.

And, yes...we may even say a few (or more) bad words.

Like the REAL bad ones. (sigh)

But, there is hope. 

JESUS.

Jesus, who sets things right in this life of contradictions.

He sees my desire to serve Him.

To love Him.

To tell others of His love. 

He knows that I am "staggering under my guilt-baggage" like Isaiah talks about.

But, he has promised me in Colossians 1...

"God rescued us from dead-end alleys & dark dungeons.  

He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much,

the Son who got us out of the pit we were in,

got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating."

Psalm 51:17 says, "The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit.  God, you will not

reject a heart that is broken & sorry for sin."

So, I'm looking up from this heap that I'm in...

broken, devastated, embarrassed, humiliated, & hurt...

and, I lay it at His feet...

a sacrifice.

"Brokenness doesn't disqualify us. Brokenness placed in God's hands to redeem

& re-form can actually qualify us for life & love & even leadership."

Elisa Morgan

Ann Voskamp reminded me today that, "Though I fail me, God's love for me can never fail.  Though I can't ultimately change me--God can ultimately change 'everything' about me, 'from the inside out'.  God offers me a NEW life---whenever I make every moment of my life an offering to Him."

Romans 12:1-2

^1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

 I was pretty immature this week...

like a two year old

with the mouth of a seasoned sailor.

However, it doesn't negate ALL the things I have been learning

as I spend time in His Word each day.

I don't start back at ZERO each time I fail.

Can I get an AMEN?

"To be broken is the beginning of revival."

Roy Hession

Friends, I am broken.

Right now, it feels like it's beyond repair.

I can't wait to see the 

REVIVAL.

(all the pictures are from Google images lest someone want to call me & scream like a sailor)

You Are Not Named By Your Circumstances

You are NOT named by your circumstances.

She Reads Truth

My life has been stilled due to surgery.

I'm not a fan.

At all.

Slow doesn't seem to suit me.

On top of the surgery, life has thrown me a curve ball. 

One that I don't feel I can share yet.

 I will....someday. 

Most likely sooner rather than later.

I believe there is beauty in transparency.  Even if it's raw & hurts to look at.

"There are some real problems with projecting a perfect image.  First of all, it's simply not true--we are not always happy, optimistic, in command.  Second, projecting the flawless image keeps us from reaching people who feel we just wouldn't understand them.  And third, even if we could live a life with no conflict, suffering, or mistakes, it would be a shallow existence.  The Christian with depth is the person who has failed and learned to live with it."

 Brennan Manning

I have failed (oh, so many times, friends) & I am learning to live with it.

Even, dare I say, embrace it. 

It's the ugly beautiful that Ann Voskamp writes so eloquently about in her book 

One Thousand Gifts.  

Or, as Elisa Morgan writes....

"One that is broken--and yet still beautiful.  Or maybe a legacy that is beautiful because it's broken,  When we sit among the shards of our shattered hopes--fingering the fragments that we know will simply not go back together again--we are just where God wants us.  You see, he doesn't just sweep all our fragments into the dustpan and carry us to the trash.  Into our breaking comes God's beauty.  And, through our breaking, God sculpts a beautifully broken legacy."

My legacy will be one that is broken....shattered even.

But, it can be beautiful.

That for those who LOVE God everything works unto good, even sin.

Augustine

In Isaiah 40 in The Message (my favorite version ever)...

"Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying,

'God has lost track of me.

He doesn't care what happens to me'?

Don't you know anything?  Haven't you been listening?

GOD doesn't come & go.  GOD LASTS.

He's creator of all you can see or imagine.

He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch His breath.

And He knows everything, inside & out.

He energizes those who get tired, 

Gives fresh strength to the dropouts..."

Maybe this season finds you sitting among the pieces...

maybe you've got your trusty glue gun at your side

trying to put it all back together.  Or, if you're a super crafter,

because you've been sitting among these pieces before...

your E-6000 glue.

If you are, might I suggest to you....look for the beauty in the brokenness.

Stop trying to piece it all together so it looks "presentable" again.

Forget what others are thinking (and, let's be honest, they aren't really thinking all that much about us) & focus on what He is thinking.  

And, I challenge you with more of Ann Voskamp...

"HOW do I have the HOLY vision in this mess?  How do I see GRACE & GIVE THANKS,

FIND JOY in this sin-stinking place?"

Friends,

Your God

is 

BIGGER 

than  

your MESS.

 .

My anthem for this legacy of brokenness...

I will bless the Lord forever

And I will trust Him at all times

He has delivered me from all fear

And He has set my feet upon a rock

And, I will not be moved, and I'll say of the Lord

You are my

SHIELD,

my STRENGTH,

my PORTION, 

DELIVERER, 

my SHELTER, 

STRONG TOWER,

my VERY PRESENT HELP 

in time of need

Whom have I in heaven but YOU?

There is NONE I desire beside you.

Oh, friend....YOU are NOT named by your circumstances.  

Your legacy...

My legacy...

it is beautifully broken.

 "What makes authentic disciples is NOT visions, ecstasies, biblical mastery of chapter & verse, or spectacular success in the ministry, but a capacity for faithfulness.  Buffeted by the fickle winds of failure, battered by their own unruly emotions, & bruised by rejection & ridicule, authentic disciples may have stumbled & frequently fallen, endured lapses & relapses, gotten handcuffed to fleshpots & wandered into a far country.  Yet, they kept coming back to Jesus."

Join me if you are broken & come back to Jesus.

 

 

 

Halloween Happenings

Thought I'd share a little glimpse of our Halloween Happenings...

Sweet Caroline always wants to make sure that I get her good side.

The dining room table...

 

More of the dining room...

 

Our Halloween mantel...

 

Enter if you Dare sign I made from a thrift frame...

 

Back to murdering books...

 

Countdown chalkboard on a thrift clipboard. 

This wreath now makes it home in Newton, KS...I sold it at the Barn Sale. 

 

Halloween goodies for the kiddos...

 

All ready for the trick-or-treaters...

 

My girl & me...up to no good.

 

What a buncha nerds.

 

Teacher treats.

 

Mommy treats.

 

Packing up until next year.

Boo. 

 

What I Wore Wednesday

It's time again for a little 

What I Wore Wednesday...

this thrift Lucky Brand top is a casual fave paired with my orange corduroy blazer.

I picked up these Limited wide leg jeans at the thrift store as well.

I LOVE wide-leg jeans, as well as, flared-leg jeans.

I'm with Jennifer Garner...

can we just be over the skinny jeans already.

I have a couple of pairs, but I would gladly donate them to Goodwill if they went out of style!

My wedges are by Chinese Laundry.

I picked them up at Ross for a steal.

 

I picked this dress up at Target for my parent's 50th anniversary celebration.

I paired it with fun patterned tights & red heels for that occasion.

But, with the cooler weather...

boots are my preferred footwear.

 

 Picked up this blouse at Target on clearance & I am pairing it with ALL my sweaters.

Here I have it paired with a thrift Banana Republic cardi.

Target skinnies (because I caved)

And, my  ruffled Charlotte Russe teal suede heels.

This outfit just fell together....

I love that.

Thrift gingham blouse, black cardi, a statement necklace, boyfriend jeans, 

my new black booties that I wear

ALL.THE.TIME.

And, a fun jacket from Kohls.

Even my purse & thrifted Italian coffee cups coordinated.

 

Another Target clearance dress.  Paired with a big belt, jean jacket,

and riding boots.

 

Remember I told you I was pairing that blouse from Target with everything...

yep, I am.

Elle sweater from Kohls.

Skinnies.

Chinese Laundry shoes.

Vera Wang jewelry from Kohls.

I have been repeating a LOT of staples in my closet...

I decided to purge my closet & really streamline my clothes...

forcing me to mix & match more.

So, far....11 bags out of my closet.

And, after I wear an outfit....

I assess it.

Do I really love this?

Will I wear it again?

Is it really flattering?

Is it truly my "style"?

Whatever my "style" may be...

So, far 11 bags of clothes have NOT been my style.

 

 I picked up this purple wrap dress at a thrift store in Newton, KS.

I wasn't sure about it.

But, my friend, Gale, talked me into it.

I'm glad I splurged on this $6 Limited dress. (wink)

Paired with black boots & a grey leather jacket from Marshalls.

I'm SUPER into funky tights this year.

I found some for a STEAL at Burlington.

Like $2.99 a pair!

Compared to $14 at Target!

HOLLA!

The shoes are another find at Ross...

Love them!

 

This is an example of what I was talking about earlier...

This didn't make the cut.

The dress had become way to large.

And, I just wasn't loving the sweater any more..

So, out the door!

(or, in the bag....whatever.)

The boots are new...

they stayed. 

 

This was my pre-Halloween outfit.

I was feeling festive.

 

I get asked a LOT how I come up with my outfits...

for several months I have used "style challenges" created by IG gals

I follow.

They help me when I feel uninspired.

I feel very uninspired in the winter.

I would prefer yoga pants & hoodies.

So, I play along with these & it helps me wear ALL the clothes in my closet.

Also, I spend an afternoon on the weekend putting ALL 

my outfits together.

This past Sunday afternoon, I did the first 15 days of this challenge.

I ironed them & have them hung in my closet in order.

It makes getting ready for work 

SO.MUCH.EASIER.

Try it!

You'll be amazed.

 

Picked up this infinity cowl neck scarf at Walmart, friends!

I love it!

And, it is SOOOOOOOOO warm.

Last Friday's football game was freezing.

This helped tremendously!

 

This was day TWO of November's challenge...

Dressed Up Denim.

Thrifted Harold's jean jacket.

Shirt & denim pinstripe pants from Marshalls.

Already planned out.

Already ironed.

Easy Peasy morning....

Day THREE was 

What's New Old Navy.

Honestly, I'm not an Old Navy shopper.

But, I did pull out my thrift gingham shirt (again)

paired with a poncho sweater & scarf from Kohls.

So, there you have it...

What I Wore Wednesday.

I'd love to see what you are wearing!

Shoot me a pic via email with the deets of your outfit & I'll share it here on the blog!

justjilly@rocketmail.com

Treat Your Teacher Tuesday

Well, the Shawnee Mission North teachers should be feeling the love...

with treats two weeks in a row!

For Parent Teachers conferences, 

I decided a little Starbucks pick-me-up was in order....

I picked up coffee cups, lids & sleeves in fall colors in the Target Dollar Spot, plus a couple of boxes of Starbucks Via Latte Cafe Mocha (NOT in the Dollar Spot). 

 

I tucked the packets into the cups with some crinkle paper.

 

And, used some OLD Starbucks coffee passports & stickers that I have been

hoarding for YEARS....I think 8 to be exact (gheesh).

 

Tied the tags on with twine...

and, sent them off with the kiddos.

 

Last week was Halloween,

so, of course, we had to send a little something to celebrate!

No tricks for these teachers....only TREATS!

My homemade chocolate chip cookies!

I believe we all have special talents...

mine happens to be making exceptional chocolate chip cookies.

I can't explain it.

They just are.

When McQuiston was little and playing at friend's house,

his friend's mama asked him if he would like a cookie.

Mac asked politely, "Did my mom make it?" To which she replied, 

"No she didn't."

He then said, "No, thank  you."
We still laugh about that.

Reilly asks for cookies rather than cake every birthday.

 

I bagged the cookies up.  And, put them in boxes I picked up at Hobby Lobby 

last year after Halloween at 90% off!

Sprinkled some candy on top....

and, TA-DA!

Happy Halloween!

I hope you'll join me in 

Treat Yo' Teachers!  

Let's 

GO. BE. LOVE.

 

HOLY COW!

In my mind, I write a LOT of blog posts...a LOT!

But, somehow....

they just never make it out.  

Like ever...

It's been over a month since I blogged.

Seriously??

A month...

So, let's just catch you up with a few pictures & we'll go from there...

 There has been a LOT of this....we just celebrated Senior night & might have been a little weepy.  I'm gonna miss Mac & his amazing talents...

And, then I did this....hello, brunette.

The Gunny is still trying to adapt...and, still can't find me in a crowd.

Personally, I'm enjoying it.

It seems like less pressure.

Does that make any sense?

 

And, then we celebrated Mac's Senior homecoming with his lovely girl, Hannah.  Again, a little weepy.  It just goes too fast.

 

I had to get glasses....progressive lenses to be exact.  

The P.C. term for bi-focal.

Hello, Old Age.

 

Then I gave myself a chemical peel by misreading the directions on my new prescription of Retin A.  I succeeded in burning my face off. 

Hello, Third Degree Burns.

 

I got to tag-along to the Barn Sale in Whitewater, KS with my now "In Real Life" friend, Gale.

What fun!  She is SOOOOO stinkin' talented.  

I also got to meet Nikki & Robin from The Orange Bird Shop & Kerrie from I Married a Milkman....seriously, awesome sauce.  I had to pinch myself a couple of times.

Hello, Artsy Friends.  

I might have a slight obsession with Boom Chicka Pop...slight.  

All right, HUGE!

 

One of my fab finds at the Barn Sale.  I had one of these as a kiddo.  So, this had to come home with me.  

Hello, Memories.

 

 Spending time with these two is my favorite.  I'm blessed.  

Went to the New Theatre Restaurant with this kid & had a ball.  

 

Was blessed by a dear friend with surprise Happy Mail.  

Hello, Hope.

 

And, in case you didn't know it....the KC Royals were in the World Series.  And, we celebrated.  Or, I celebrated & the boys looked on.  

And, despite the Game 7 loss...

I am prouder than EVER to be from Kansas City.

And, so proud of those Boys in Blue. 

 

The Gunny and I spent a glorious fall afternoon at the Kansas City Zoo.

It was the best zoo experience ever...

I wonder if it had to do with not having any little ones to drag around. 

Old age & teenagers have their benefits!!

 

And, I am rebooting on The Daniel Plan.  It's been a rough month.  

But, I'm back at it.

Early morning yoga, green smoothies, time in His Word...

After work gym time...

And, the Halloween candy is 

OUT. THE. DOOR.

So, there ya have it...

Tomorrow, I'll be sharing a couple of easy Treat Your Teachers.

Happy November!