I've been raised in church.
I feel like I have heard every sermon on forgiveness.
I've read books, blogs & articles in magazines.
I've downloaded pictures of little inspirational quotes on forgiveness,
printed them out, and washi-taped them to my wall.
"We hold onto pain because we want to control the punishment of those who've wounded us. But what happens is that they end up controlling us."
Elisa Morgan
The Beauty of Broken
(yes, this is hanging on the wall in my bathroom)
But, here is the honest to God truth...
the thing that is holding me back...
is
THAT I DON'T WANNA FORGIVE THEM.
I don't.
Not at all.
Let Jesus forgive them.
I don't WANT to.
I'm still pissed
(yes, I used the word pissed).
I'm still hurt.
I'm nursing the BIG gaping wound.
And, truth be told,
I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY
don't
like
them.
I'm teetering on HATE here.
But, I am MUCH to MUCH of a
CHRISTIAN
for that.
(or am I?)
They're not really likable people.
They're selfish.
Thoughtless.
Rude.
Self-important.
Liars.
Adulterers. (yes, I went there)
And,
UGH
loved by Jesus.
"Real forgiveness--whether of someone who has wounded us or of our our sins--comes from God. God provides it. He cracks open his very heart and carves forgiveness into existence through the death of His Son on a cross. Then he welcomes us into the very center of his heart creation."
Elisa Morgan
The Beauty of Broken
And, I have done my human best to forgive even if I don't want to...
But, man...I feel like He is asking me to take it TOO far
when He tells me to BLESS them.
Are you stinkin' serious, God?
Bless them.
I can barely say their name without wanting to spit.
And, you are asking me to pray blessings on them.
Awesome.
If I have read it once, I have read it a million times...
forgiveness is releasing my right to resentment.
I am reminded of Colossians 1 in The Message...
As you learn more and more how God works, your will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul--not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into JOY, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.
That is what I want, friends.
I don't want to forgive & bless them through gritted teeth.
But, through GLORY-STRENGTH.
I wanna rejoice when I hear that they've been loaded with blessings.
Not, stomp my feet & pout that life's not fair.
"Quit keeping score altogether and surrender yourself with all your sinfulness to God who sees neither the score nor the scorekeeper but only his child redeemed by Christ."
Thomas Merton
Colossians 3
So, chosen by God for this NEW (there's my #OLW) life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second-place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And, regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's you basic all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
As I look back at that list of how awful those people are
I see a lot of me.
Okay, maybe not ALL of me.
But, a LOT of me.
Who am I to hold onto this unforgiveness
when I have been pulled out of the pit?
Psalm 103
He forgives your sins--every one.
He heals your diseases--every one.
He redeems you from hell--saves your life!
He crowns you with love & mercy--a paradise crown!
He wraps you in goodness--beauty eternal.
He renews your youth--you're always young in His presence!
He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve,
Nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As HIGH as the heaven is over the earth,
so strong is His love to those that fear Him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
He has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children,
God feels for those who fear Him.
He knows us inside & out,
Keeps in mind that we are made of mud.
So, who's with me...
let's forgive those boogers,
and
BLESS THEIR SOCKS OFF.
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