When He is All You've Got Left...

 I have written this post a million & one times...
It has sat in my "drafts" for weeks.
I have struggled to find the right words. 
The correct tone has evaded me.
I have wondered...
How much should I share?
Should I share at all?

So, I thought I'd just write the blunt truth.

I'm getting divorced.

Again.

Faith is...

thanking God when I am left with shattered plans, that He has better plans.

Pamela Reeves

 

I am brokenhearted.

I am embarrassed.

I feel worthless & unloved.

And, I don't have it in me to pretend it is any other way. 

"In the raw reality of pain, we do well to sit in silence.  But it can also be dangerous to be quiet for too long.  Frederick Buechner observes in telling secrets, 'It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly & fully are--even if we tell it only to ourselves--because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly & fully are & little by little come accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing."

 Elisa Morgan

It has been my desire to be honest in this space.

Sometimes, I have been so honest it has left me raw & vulnerable
as I have shared my battle with depression.
My first failed marriage.
My long journey to a true relationship with Christ.

I have prayed about exactly what to share.
How many details are truly necessary.
And, I have come to this...
right now, the pain is too fresh, 
the people involved too close,
and my feelings too raw 
to share any more than I have. 

I have taken great comfort in the verse below...

Lamentations 3:22-24

God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up.  They're created new every morning.  How great is your faithfulness.  I'm sticking with God (I say it over & over). He's all I've got left.
 

 "He's all I've got left."

And, what's amazing is...

that in this brokenness...

this heartache...

this humiliation....

He is all I could want or need.

In the hands of our redeemer, nothing is wasted.

Jason Gray