Why I Share "The Ugly" & J.O.Y.

"In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift.  If we conceal our wounds out of fear & shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become light for others."

--Brennan Manning

 

Since I began to share about "The Things We Never Talk About", a funny (I use that term loosely) thing happened.  I began to sink even deeper.  I think it was the perfect storm....the holidays....winter...vulnerability....exposure....truth....the enemy.  

The old familiar thoughts began to swirl.  The dark demons began to rear their ugly heads.  And, it became very dark.  

I beat myself up for exposing that which I have kept hidden for so long.  

And, then...there was a glimmer...

I began to run into people who said they loved this little blog.  (though I am still scratching my head as to why).  They thanked me for sharing.  For giving voice to that which that which they had never spoken.

And, a small crack appeared in the darkness.  After so much darkness, even the slightest bit of light is blinding.  I'm clawing my way toward that light.  Slowly.

The Lord spoke to my heart about this next year. 

I'm excited to share with you about this little experiment He has given me.

It isn't fully formed.  And, even now...I'm scared to even give it voice.

But, I am going to be brave as I squint at that slim sliver of LIGHT.

For those of you who know the darkness OR for those of you who desire more JOY, I hope you'll join me on this journey to JOY.  

Pray for me.  I'm scared.  But, I'm ready for some LIGHT in the darkness.

I'll share next Monday, January 6th, about The J.O.Y. Experiment. 

A little Christmas Home Tour

How about a little Christmas home tour...

Things to note:

1.) All the pictures are taken with an iPhone

2.) My house is LIVED in...I don't "stage" pictures.  It makes me feel depressed at times when I view beautiful homes on blogs or IG...then it makes me MAD at my family when they mess up my house.  So, I'm letting that go & showing you what it looks like in R.E.A.L. life.

3.) I love elegant decorations, but I always end up with traditional....more casual...more ME....I guess.   

My family room is FILLED with my Mitford Snowman collection that my mama started me years ago.  The Mitford Snowman are from my FAVORITE series of books by Jan Karon...."The Mitford Series".  I read the entire series about every two years.  

In the dining room, I have a tree that is filled with my Wallace Silver Bells...a tradition my mama started in 1995.  They are beautiful.  And, a TON of work because I have to polish them every. single. year.  

And, my Willow Tree Nativity.  Again, a gift from my mama.  I had wanted it for years.  Last Christmas, she spoiled/surprised me with the entire collection.  I made the Star from sticks from a walk The Gunny & I took with the pups.  I was inspired by a friend on IG.

 

My "sofa" table that I expand when we need extra seating at holidays.  The candles are "Catholic Candles" that I purchased at the Dollar Tree.  I just wrapped them with a sweater ribbon from The Hobbying & The Lobbying.  They burn forever.  I love them.  Oh, in the background you can see The Gunny's 70" TV.  Those of you who follow me on IG may remember THAT story.  The thing is MASSIVE...sometimes I feel cross-eyed when I watch it.  

 Our "hot chocolate" station...we've done beverage stations for years when we entertain.  But, this year it seems to be a "thing" on Pinterest, IG & blogs.  It makes me giggle.  My mama was trendy ALL these years & she didn't even know it.  To me, things like this are just a sign of someone who has the gift of hospitality.  My mama has that gift in abundance.  I'm not sure I have the gift, but I did learn from the VERY best.

I have two trees in our family room.  The first tree in the first picture is FILLED with all the handmade ornaments my children have made over the past 20 years.  Some they made with me...some they made at school....some they made at church.  When they were little, the tree was in their playroom & had colored lights because they ALWAYS wanted colored lights...and, I'm a white light kinda girl.  But, as they have gotten older...the tree has come into the family room...it's my favorite because of the memories it holds.

The small tree above holds all our other ornaments including all the ornaments my parents made in ceramics over the years.  This tree is super specials as well.  Do you see now why I can't have an elegant Christmas....there are just TOO many ornaments that I have to put out that mean so much.  

My children each have trees as well with ornaments they have been given over the years.  This year, I just didn't have the time to put them all up.  Maybe next year... 

More Mitford in our built-ins....I lined our bookshelves...I keep meaning to blog about it.  

 

The kitchen.  Simple.  Fun.  Cute.  And, a plate I painted from the thrift store.  

 More dining room....

If you look really close in the picture below, you can see my Rubbermaid boxes filled with craft stuff & ornaments for a wreath I made my mama.  I'm classy like that. Told you....NO STAGED PICTURES.

 

My Christmas mug selection has grown HUGE thanks to IG swaps.  I have loved that this Christmas season.  In fact, so much that I have decided to do different mugs each month for my little coffee station.  All from the thrift store, of course. 

There ya have it in all it's iPhone glory.  Our home at Christmas....imperfect, filled with memories, and love.

Emmanuel.

God With Us.

Creamy Shrimp Creole Soup

Let me begin by putting this FIRST....IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SPICY FOOD...then HALF the Tabasco & cayenne.  This will eliminate the whiny wimps from commenting how "SPICY" it is.  Personally, I loved it & didn't find it too spicy.  But, some people (I won't name names) who grew up Down South & spent 20 years in the Marine Corps obviously are a bit more sensitive to the "seasoning".  (rolling my eyes)

Shopping List:

1 bag of medium sized cooked shrimp (thaw & take the tails off those puppies!)

4 slices of thick cut bacon (or more if you like)

1 1/2 cups of diced celery

1 large diced onion

Garlic

1/3 cup of all-purpose flour

3 1/4 cups of chicken stock

3/4 cups of V-8 juice (original NOT spicy)

1 can (14.5 oz) of fire-roasted tomatoes

2 Tbsp of lemon juice

2 Tbsp of Worcestershire sauce

2 Tbsp of Tabasco

1 tsp of dried thyme

1/2 tsp of cayenne

1 bay leaf

1/2 cup of heavy cream

1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

1/4 cup minced scallions

. 

Cook your bacon in the skillet.  Remove.  Add celery & onions & cook until softened...about 5 minutes.  Add garlic & saute for about 30 seconds more.  Whisk in flour & cook until incorporated...about 1 minute.

In a pot, combine stock, V-8, tomatoes, lemon juice, Worcestershire, Tabasco, thyme, cayenne & bay leaf.  Bring to a boil & then let simmer 15 minutes.  Add heavy cream after 15 minutes & stir.  

Now, I wasn't serving this until the next day...so, I popped the lid on it & let it marry over night.

The next day, I heated the soup & whipped up some yummy Bisquick drop biscuits.  I use the recipe on the box, but I added shredded cheddar cheese, scallions, the bacon from the day before, cracked black pepper & garlic powder.  It take a wee bit more milk when you add all these ingredients.  Then pop them in a 450 degree oven for 10 minutes.  I set mine on parchment paper...but, you don't have to.  I like to...it makes me feel all "Martha Stewarty".

Once the soup is heated through, I add the shrimp.  Don't add the shrimp until about 5-6 minutes before your ready to eat or they cook too much & can get rubbery.  We landlocked folks have a tendency to overcook our seafood.

Your drop biscuits should be ready to go about the same time...Oh. My. Word.  I could have eaten the entire pan.  But, I practiced self-control. 

Sprinkle the soup with scallions & parsley. 

So yummy!  The flavor bursts in your mouth. 

Recipe Credit:  Noble Pig (with a few tweaks by me...Noble Pig serves the soup with bacon-cornmeal dumplings.  I just didn't have the time, so I improvised with the drop biscuits.  If you want the recipe for the dumplings...you can google the soup name!)

Through the Wildnerness of Loneliness:: Depression & Isolation

Last week, I shared about my life-long battle with depression.  So many of you reached out to me.  You touched my heart with your kind words. Thank you.

 The thing I heard over & over again was...

"I didn't know."

"I'm so sorry I didn't see..."

No. No you couldn't have seen.  

Because, those of us who know the darkness.  We push you away.  We avoid you.  We don't answer your phone calls.  We stop socializing.  

We close the door.  

Literally & Figuratively.

It looks like we're heartless.  Like we don't value you & your friendship.

When in truth, it just takes too much effort.  Effort that we have to conserve to fight this stupid sickness.  

And, we reason that why in the world would you want to be around us when we don't even want to be around ourselves?

So, know this...

I am a terrible friend.

Terrible.

 
 And, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry if I've pushed you away.  Kept you at arms length.  

Let you in.  Then pushed you out.  

For me, the worst part of the darkness is the isolation that leads to the loneliness.  The loneliness that is soul-invading & life-sucking.  

In his book "Through the Wilderness of Loneliness", author Tim Hansel shares from his personal journal these words, "I have experienced a loneliness so deep that I feel as though I need a second heart to contain all the pain.  A deep sense of dislocation overwhelms my very being.  I feel disconnected from all that I treasure--God, my family, my friends, even myself.  Perhaps this is at the heart of loneliness, a great feeling of disconnection.  A floundering feeling of helpless aloneless.  Loneliness can be so paralyzing.  Its vague, pervasive power invades every cell and fills it with cement."

Our human nature tells us to escape from the pain we are experiencing, but what if we... Lean into it.  Embrace it.  Feel it to its fullest.  Not try to avoid it with distraction.  But, transform it to solitude.  

I Peter 5:6&7 (Phillips) says, "So, humble yourselves under God's strong hand, and in His own good time He will lift you up.  You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon Him, for you are His PERSONAL CONCERN."

This scripture says that He will lift us up in His own good time.  

So, what are we to do with that time until He does? 

And, that, my friends, is really the journey I am on.

Brennan Manning (a kindred spirit & quite possibly my favorite author) shares in "The Ragamuffin Gospel" that, "Jesus comes NOT for the super-spiritual but for the wobbly and the weak-kneed who know they DON'T have it all together, and who are NOT to proud to accept the handout of amazin' grace.  As we glance up, we are astonished to find the eyes of Jesus open with wonder, deep with understanding, and gentle with compassion."

I hope you'll walk beside me on this journey until the time He sees fit to lift me up.   

  As Brennan says, "To live by grace means to acknowledge my WHOLE life story, the light side and the dark.  In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means."

Thank you for allowing me to share my shadow side.  



 

What I Wore Wednesday

It's been a while....I've been in a clothes funk....the cold weather does that to me...I'd like to wear my yoga pants & Bear Paws every day if I could...

I can't.

So, let's do a What I Wore Wednesday....

Above is a favorite thrifted sweater from Savers.  I really L.O.V.E. long sweaters.

Also, I've been into bangles...lots of bangles...the more the better.  It's the gypsy in me.  I mean, I don't really know if there is any gypsy in me...but, let's pretend.  M'kay?

And, another thrifted sweater & jeans.  The jeans are from Talbot's & I like their tailored look.  Must be a sign I'm getting old.  My necklace is from Everyday Icing....you need to like them on Facebook.  Each Monday they hold a sale & part of the proceeds go to Compassion International.  I've really become B.I.G. on shopping with a purpose.  And, my darling cuff...from an IG auction to support Sole Hope that Jill hosted.  The cuff was made by @sassylemonade.  Check out her creations on IG!  Good stuff.

Every once in a while these days...I have to dress up.  I love wrap dresses for their comfort & simplicity.  And, I finally found the perfect pair of black dress boots at Kohls by Dana Buchman.  The Gunny needed some slacks & we just happened to pass Kohls...I found my boots & booties & The Gunny found slacks.... I scored some Kohls cash...and now, after discovering Kohls cash The Gunny is hooked ...so, I very seldom reap the benefits of my purchases.Sigh.  I liked it better when he wore a uniform every day.

I opted NOT to wear my pajama pants to the DMV when renewing my car tags...unlike about 50% of the other peeps who were there.  Major. Pet. Peeve.  Pajama pants are for BED.  Repeat if after me....pajama pants are for BED & do not belong OUTSIDE your home.  

 And, my new cuff from @hens_and_chicks....check out Ashley, and her lovely mama, Penni.  I adore them.  Adore.  And, I love their beautiful work.  Find them on IG or their Etsy shop & show some love to these ladies. 

Still sporting my fave top & jacket from a business trip to San Fran a few years back. I don't know if I'll ever tire of it.  

 

And, I was seeing spots this past Monday.  I often sport a hat on days I don't feel like doing my hair.  Dirty Hair.  Don't Care.

 

 Last but not least, my Miss Me sparkly camo skirt & Levis denim shirt from Savers.  A couple of my favorite thrift finds....

So, there ya have it, peeps, a little What I Wore Wednesday....